


Teach me all about you

by firebreather15



Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Bad Boy Jung Hoseok | J-Hope, Developing Relationship, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Smut, First Time, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Smut, Kissing, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Park Jimin (BTS) is a Sweetheart, Partying, Post-Break Up, Recreational Drug Use, jimin was hurt, soft smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-21
Updated: 2020-03-21
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:28:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23249236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/firebreather15/pseuds/firebreather15
Summary: In which Jimin's boyfriend dumps him because he's not ready to have sex yet. But the new guy in college, Hoseok, teaches him all the goods things in life and Jimin starts to enjoy his college life: parties, freedom, friends and of course, love
Relationships: Jung Hoseok | J-Hope/Park Jimin, Kim Taehyung | V/Min Yoongi | Suga
Comments: 5
Kudos: 104





	Teach me all about you

**Author's Note:**

> Hello this is a comission posted on twitter @filtpjm for @Nishikymir >.< I wrote what she asked me to and ended up loving how it turned out so I hope you like it too!!

“It’s over Jimin” Minseok says, he’s still holding Jimin’s hand but the black haired boy soon janks it back, his stomach twists, he feels like throwing up.

“What?” Jimin asks, taken aback by the news, brows knitted together in a frown, he can’t understand what’s going on, his head spins, he suddenly feels dizzy and numb all over.

“I’m sorry, but we are just not meant to be. Believe me I love you but I think I’ve been waiting for too long and-”

“You love me? How can you say that?” Tears start to swell up his eyes “If it’s about what I think it is you know I have tried you know I-” Jimin sobs, the words not finding the way out of his mouth.

“Hey” Minseok tries to sound comforting but it’s pointless, “Please understand that I don’t want you to do it just because I want you to, it’s obvious that you are not ready yet and I get it but you can’t ask me to stay”

He closes his eyes, it’s dark, Minseok’s voice echoes in his head, his words taking over his rationality over and over. He tries to escape, the feeling, the fear, he tries to run away, the pain, the shattering sound of his heart breaking into pieces, Minseok stepping over them without any care, he tries but it’s an endless road.

Jimin wakes up with a raking breathe, hand clutched to his chest, heart beating so fast he feels like it would burst out at any point. “Just a dream” He says out loud, “Just a nightmare” He repeats, but in the end he knows is nothing more than just the reality portrayed into his sleep, he takes one long breath and gets off bed with heavy feets, he can’t afford be late for this reason, not again.

The black haired boy stares at his reflection on the wall mirror, even though it’s been three months already, he still carries the scars of his heartbreak on his skin. The bags under his eyes can’t be concealed with makeup anymore. The way his blue sweater swallows him makes him sick, he looks lanky, the amount of weight loss in the past weeks is so obvious he’s afraid of even staring at himself. He styles his hair, that also had grown longer in a way that nearly hides his eyes, and without taking one last glance at himself he walks out of his room. The corridor of the college’s dormitory is empty, he’s running late, fuck.

Jimin runs, texts Taehyung to keep him a seat next to him on the class and rushes his way of the building. It’s raining slightly, clouds gray hiding the so much needed blue sky above, just like a normal mid-april day. “It’s gonna be fine” He says out loud, trying to calm himself, trying to comfort himself just like every day, “It can’t get any worse” Those words were the only encouragement he could find because, that’s the only truth, when you hit rock bottom, there’s only the way up. Jimin is so absorbed in his thoughts that when he notices the boy walking on his direction it’s too late. Jimin bumps into the other boy with a loud thud, if he couldn’t see him right now towering over him he could swear he just hit a wall. He tumbled backwards but he’s lucky enough not to fall into the wet pavement.

“Watch where the fuck you are going kid” The boy snarls obviously annoyed, Jimin flinches because that’s what he needed the least right now, getting in trouble with some stranger. And considering his looks, he must be one of the seniors, though he had never seen him before.

“I’m sorry” Jimin stutters, trying to walk past him but the boy grabs his chin without previous notice and pushes him closer to his face. Jimin’s breathe hitches at the proximity, dark brown eyes scanning him with a frown. Jimin winces, because the boy was strong, the way he was holding him in place with just one hand scaries him. The boy’s lips parted as to say something but this time Jimin was faster, pushing his hand away, the sudden shock of the taller boy allowing him to escape from his hold.

Jimin sprints his way into the main building just in time the bell rings. Luckily the teacher wasn’t there when Jimin walks into the classroom, Taehyung waves him from the back row and Jimin walks towards him, shaking his head because if they keep sitting there they won’t be able to focus on the lecture.

“What’s with you?” Taehyung asks, staring at Jimin sinking on his seat with a sigh.

“Just the same shit” Jimin shrugs, he had reached the point where waking up with the memories of his breakup was the normal, the regular way of starting his day. And the fact that Minseok is sitting on the front of the class with his boyfriend, or his replacement (how he likes to name it) doesn’t help lighten up his mood.

Taehyung follows his gaze and tsks, “That fucker” he clenches his fists, “I swear to god I could beat his ass if you only asked”

“That’s paying him more attention than he actually deserves” Jimin answers, but in the back of his head he knows he would find a little amount of pleasure in it, he shakes his head, he isn’t worth it. He needs to move on. But why is it so hard? Is it because Minseok had been his first serious boyfriend? Because after breaking up, he showed up holding hands with that other guy just a week later? Or because deep inside Jimin knows it’s all his fault? Despite Taehyung telling him it’s not, Jimin couldn’t stop thinking that maybe if he had brought things further with Minseok, the other wouldn’t have dump him for someone else. Maybe Taehyung was right, but that didn’t change the fact that Jimin’s fear of giving away his virginity had increased. He’s self conscious now, what if Minseok had waited more than anyone ever would? What if no one would ever wait for him? What if, what if. Jimin feels like crying but he swallows the pain away and tries to focus on the boring lecture. Taehyung holds his hand without looking at him, as if he knew the thoughts running through his mind. Jimin’s smile is one of the most authentic ones he had shown in weeks.

Jimin is glad Taehyung is by his side, he doesn’t know what would happen if it weren’t for him. The many sleepless nights where Taehyung stood by him, holding him tight and wiping the tears away. The many hours of repetitive comforting words, words that Jimin needs to engrave on his skin so he could wash the bad thoughts away. Even the stupid jokes Taehyung says, those that are mostly unfunny but they make Jimin laugh out loud anyways.

Yeah, Taehyung had always been there and Jimin is grateful, he’s happy and feels lucky but there are those times where Jimin regrets every single choice that lead him here. “You gotta come with me” Taehyung says on their way back to the dormitories, stopping at his door that it’s just on the opposite of the corridor.

“Taehyung you know how I feel about partying” Jimin rolls his eyes.

“I know but you really need this c’mon it’s gonna be fun” Taehyung insists.

“Define fun” Jimin half laughs, “You only want to go because it’s at Yoongi’s” The blush that creeps on Taehyung’s cheeks gives him away, it doesn’t matter how many times the younger tries to deny it.

“I need my best friend there” Taehyung crosses his arms and frowns and Jimin doesn’t waste his time trying to decline the offer because he already knows it’s pointless.

“What for?”

“For what I call supportive issues”

“You gonna make me regret this” Jimin sighs, turning around to walk to his room, leaving behind a confused Taehyung who screams, “Park Jimin that better be a yes”

It was a yes. But it didn’t matter that Taehyung wasn’t sure because no longer after 6 pm, the younger was knocking his door down. “Are you ready?” Taehyung bursts in his room as soon as Jimin unlocks the door.

“Kinda” Jimin hums picking his jacket from the chair but Taehyung soon stops him with his hand flat on his chest.

“Oh no, you are not wearing that Mr. Park” Jimin finds himself looking at his outfit and frowning, “What’s wrong?” He asks, a little troubled. Yeah it wasn’t a hard party mode outfit but Jimin doesn’t think a blue sweater and black jeans is that bad either. But looking at himself next to Taehyung he finds he’s a little out of place. The younger is wearing a plain silver shirt, unbuttoned till the chest, and black leather trousers that adjust to his legs like a second skin. Taehyung looks extremely good tonight, but it isn’t a surprise at all: he’s dressing to impress someone. Some whose name starts with Min and ends with Yoongi. But Jimin doesn’t want to impress, he just needs to go there and pray for the clock to tick faster.

“You look cute” And for once Taehyung doesn’t say it like a compliment. Jimin pulls the sleeves down to cover his hands like an armour to hide himself from Taehyung’s judgemental stare. “And I’m gonna change that”

“But I don’t wanna” Jimin mumbles, “I’m comfortable in this” He flips around, staring at his reflection on the mirror.

“Oh Chims” Taehyung steps closer, places his right hand on top of his shoulder and squeezes it slightly, “If you want to move on you need to get out of your safe space” Jimin parts his lips as to say something but Taehyung is already checking his wardrobe, humming while he glances through his clothes. Jimin gives up and sits on his bed, waiting for Taehyung’s pick.

“Do you live in Winterland or something? I’ve never seen so many sweaters in my whole life” Taehyung shakes his head, “Oh?”

“What?” Jimin frowns.

Taehyung turns around smirking, “Care to explain why I’ve never seen you in this?” Jimin looks at the ripped jeans he’s holding.

Jimin shrugs “Regret it the second I bought them”

“Well you gotta wear them now” Taehyung tosses them on the bed with a simple white v-neck. Jimin sighs and takes the clothes, not bothering to get into the bathroom to get changed. “See? It’s nothing outrageous or groundbreaking but it does make you look good, really good indeed”

Jimin doesn’t believe him, when he sees himself on the mirror he finds it weird, the clothes too loose for him, too revealing, too different. He feels an stranger on his own body and doesn’t like it, but Taehyung is solemn on his belief that Jimin looks hot and finally convinces him to go like that even though the clothes are too thin for the chilly night.

“Believe me you are hot” Taehyung stops before reaching Yoongi’s house, hugging Jimin the comforting way he’s used to.

“I don’t wanna look hot, I only wanna go unnoticed” Jimin’s voice wavers, he’s not ready. The thought of Minseok being at the party makes him anxious, what would he think of him?

“Stop thinking about him, get loose, enjoy the night Jimin, you deserve to have fun and forget about him” Jimin is taken aback by Taehyung’s words, “I can read your eyes like a book Chims, but really, enjoy yourself, do it for you” The last words pull a smile on Jimin’s lips and makes him nod. When Taehyung feels his friend relaxing, he decides to take the last steps towards Yoongi’s house, combing his hair anxiously and guiding Jimin inside why they held hands.

Yoongi’s house is nothing flamboyant, the place is big enough to hold a party where half of the school can attend but not in a luxurious way. It’s a little plain for Jimin’s taste if he’s honest. It has a large garden though, crowded by many students and other people that look too old to be still studying, all of them holding red plastic cups and dancing to the music that comes from the inside. Jimin scoots closer to Taehyung as they pass a group of guys that gaze them too blatantly, Jimin starts to feel a little anxious but Taehyung circles his arm around his shoulder in a protective way and somehow it’s enough for him to be able to breathe.

“It’s gonna be okay, it’s gonna be fun” Jimin mutters under his breath, so low that he’s sure he’s the only one that hears it. He repeats those same words over and over again until they walk inside the house itself and the change is so overwhelming Jimin feels a little dizzy at first. The sea of limbs moving along the excessively loud music makes it nearly impossible to walk forward, Jimin grabs Taehyung’s shirt and follows him, trying not to trip over the push and pulls.

It’s all calmer on the kitchen Jimin realices, no longer needing to grab Taehyung but still holding him tight, too afraid to let him go. “You here finally” Jimin hears Yoongi’s deep voice and looks up. The older boy is sitting on the counter, a beer in hand, he lifts it up as a way of greeting, Jimin nods. “I thought you wouldn’t come” Yoongi says, offering Taehyung the drink who takes it without second thoughts.

“You know I wouldn’t miss it” Jimin knows he’s not ready to look after a drunk Taehyung but doesn’t bother to stop him. His friend looks unreasonably giggly when he talks with Yoongi and he decides to let his friend have a little fun. The tension between the two boys is so evident that forces Jimin to look away, allowing them the little privacy that a party could allow. No longer after, Yoongi leans on Taehyung and whispers something to his ear, Jimin couldn’t hear it but it must be flirty enough to have Taehyung blushing as he nods enthusiastically. “Come with us?” Taehyung half screams so Jimin could hear him over the music, finger pointing at the living room that resembles a dancefloor.

Jimin shakes his head, he only came here to make sure Taehyung was safe and his plan doesn’t include thirdwheeling and so he puts his thumbs up to make sure his friend doesn’t feel bad about leaving him alone and mouths “You do you”.

Taehyung answers with a “Thanks” and lets Yoongi pull him towards the middle of the crowd. Jimin can’t describe the tightness on his chest at the sight, it’s something close to jealousy for how cheerful his friend looks following Yoongi. It reminds him of himself when he first met Minseok, how everything about him made him wanna jump and scream how happy he was. Jimin wishes their story would have a better ending, he shakes his head, not thinking about Minseok tonight.

Jimin spends around half an hour watching Yoongi and Taehyung dancing, both smiling like idiots, his fingers itch, he wants to dance. He loves dancing, but with so many people around Jimin isn’t comfortable enough to move along the beats even though his heart is aching to break free and sway his body back and forth. He decides it’s better if he sits but all the seats are either occupied by drunks or couples making out. Jimin walks clumsily between the students, someone hits him on the chest while he tries to move but he just tries to keep on moving, destination unknown. It’s too hot inside, he notices, it’s hard to breath, and when he’s able to do it, the air is filled with the smell of smoke and alcohol, it makes him feel sick. He needs to go out, he needs fresh air.

He’s no longer worried about his thin clothes because when his body steps outside and the fresh air moves his hair back, Jimin feels relieved. He takes a long breath and takes a sit on a corner next to the entrance. In front of him there’s a group of girls trying to dance to some choreo but the amount of alcohol on their bodies make them look ridiculous, Jimin can’t help but laugh to himself. What’s with parties that make everyone go wild? How can people act so freely knowing they would regret their actions just the following day? Jimin doesn’t get it, but looking their antics from outside, he has to admit that it’s funny to see. The black haired boy looks back and tries to find his best friend but he’s nowhere to be found. He panics, getting up, standing on his tiptoes to have a better look, but Taehyung is nowhere to be seen.

“Looking for someone?” A familiar voice says from his side, Jimin frowns and turns his head towards the voice, breath caught on his lungs when his eyes land on the boy standing next to him.

“N-no” Jimin stutters, stepping back at the sight of the boy he had run into the other day. He doesn’t need any more trouble, losing his best friend at a party it’s already bad enough. The other boy frowns but makes no further comment, Jimin feels anxious, what did he want? Was it some kind of revenge after hitting him the other day? Was it just pure amusement for having Jimin afraid? Either way Jimin tries to ignore his presence, but the weight of his stare it’s just too heavy for his slim shoulders. Can he just leave him alone?

“Are you okay?” Jimin is taken aback by the sudden question, he decides to face the other boy with his brows knitted together. From up close he could see the boy better than the other day, he has dark brown hair, bangs pulled backwards so his forehead is revealed. His big eyes are piercing and his lips are shaped in a way that resembles a heart. Jimin finds it cute, and if he wasn’t so intimidated by his presence he could say that the boy was indeed handsome.

“Yes” Jimin says cuttingly, he doesn’t feel like starting a conversation with him.

“Then why were you crying the other day?” He asks, Jimin’s hands start to sweat, his heart beating faster at the acknowledgement.

“That, that is not of your business” Jimin’s voice is shaking, he doesn’t like the fact that this boy noticed he had been crying his eyes out just before running into him. Jimin tries to pull the sleeves of his jacket down but they are just too short, he feels naked, he wants to hide, he wants to run.

“Well” The boy steps closer, Jimin could smell the alcohol coming from his mouth, he grimaces and when the other boy notices his discomfort stops on his tracks, “you are admitting that you were indeed crying so, can I ask why?”

Jimin makes an eye roll that didn’t come unnoticed by the boy, but instead of frowning, he just smirks and waits for an answer. “I don’t know why I should tell you, we are strangers” Jimin ends up saying, hoping that it would make him leave. There must be better, funnier, things to do on a party rather than starting a conversation with someone as boring as him.

“Let’s change that then” The boy shrugs, “My name is Hoseok, and you are?” Hoseok stretches his arm out for Jimin to shake his hand. Jimin looks confused from his open hand up to his eyes, he doesn’t know why he does it but soon is holding his hand, shyly whispering, “I’m Jimin”

“See? We are not strangers anymore” Hoseok laughs, Jimin couldn’t believe it when he notices his own lips curving into a smile. It feels weird, how his mouth is not used to this facial expression. He doesn’t know why, but there’s something about this guy, Hoseok, that makes Jimin trust him. Maybe it’s his cheerful laugh or the fact that Jimin is still afraid of being alone at a party, but he decides to sit next to Hoseok.

Jimin leaves out the details, confessing a stranger that his boyfriend dumped him for someone else was embarrassing enough to add that, the main reason, was that he was afraid of giving away his virginity. But Hoseok listens to him, nodding to make sure Jimin knows he’s paying attention to him. “He’s an idiot” Hoseok claims and Jimin of course agrees but doesn’t find any comfort in it. It’s not like his opinion matters, he doesn’t know Minseok, he doesn’t even know him.

“Why?”

“Only an idiot would dump you for someone else” Hoseok answers matter of factly.

Jimin can’t help but snort, “How can you say that? Maybe I’m the idiot”

“Maybe you are, but you are also nice” Hoseok takes a short sip to his drink, “It’s obvious that you liked him, and even now you act as if it’s all your fault. I don’t think you are the bad one in this story”

“Minseok wasn’t that bad”

“See? You are defending him, even though he dumped you. I call him an idiot and instead of talking shit about him you try to change my opinion. You are a good person”

“I-” Jimin cuts himself off, because he was about to self-deprecate himself once again. In the end Jimin decides to stay silent, looking at his clasped hands.

“I don’t know how you are feeling cause I’ve never been on a relationship but you are too pretty to cry over someone who doesn’t love you”

Pretty. Jimin blushes, he doesn’t want to look up, not when Hoseok is sitting so close and could easily read the embarrassment on his red face, “And you are too flirty”

“Does it make you uncomfortable? Cause I can stop if you ask me too, but that’s how am I”

Jimin’s blood runs fast under his veins, he bites his lower lip and mumbles, “It doesn’t matter, you won’t get on my pants just by calling me pretty”

Hoseok bursts out laughing, Jimin doesn’t know if he should feel angry, was he laughing at him?

“Don’t worry ‘bout that, It wasn’t my intention” Hoseok pauses, Jimin can feel the weight of his eyes focused on him, “But you didn’t ask me to stop though, maybe you liked it”

Jimin’s face turns a darker shade of red when he turns his face to stare at the other boy, who has his eyebrow raised in a challenging manner “I-I didn’t” Jimin’s rushes the words out anxiously. He doesn’t need this person to believe he wants anything with him.

But Hoseok’s face softens, “Hey chill it was just a joke, I told ya that’s how I am” Jimin nods and apologizes, he feels stupid, of course someone like Hoseok, who looks all free and ruthless, wouldn’t want anything with him. Jimin wants to slap himself. “No but seriously, you need to lose yourself a bit”

“So I’ve been told” Jimin sighs, defeated.

“Maybe a drink would do?” Hoseok offers his drink but Jimin shakes his head, “Well it’s only soju, no drugs, I promise” The brown haired boy raises his hand, like a promise.

“I don’t drink”

“C’mon you are at a party, I’m not telling you to get wasted to the point you forget even your name but just a drink? I promise you your worries will feel insignificant afterwards” Hoseok insists, “We can go inside and you can choose whatever it’s available, though I don’t think there would be much left” Hoseok points at a boy running in circles while his friends cheer for him and instantly snorts, people don’t know their limits.

“Okay” Jimin gets up, “My friend left me for his crush, there’s no point in waiting here anyways”

“Someone’s petty” Hoseok half screams to his ear because when they walk inside together the music is still too loud. When they reach the kitchen Hoseok scans the room for the alcohol and finds some more unopened bottles of soju, he takes them all and points at the staircase. Jimin follows, a little anxious because he doesn’t really know what he’s doing, but there’s a small part of him, like a little voice, telling him that it will be fun, there’s excitement on his body, an unknown feeling that he can’t quite name.

On top of the stairs, the music isn’t as loud, Hoseok sits and pats the empty space next to him for Jimin to join him there. The view of the party is better from above, but Jimin can’t find Taehyung either, he feels a little nervous, will he be okay?

“If it does make you feel better, my best friend is running this party but left me as soon as his walking wet dream came. So we are on the same shit”

“Yoongi?” This time is Jimin the one who can’t hold his laughter while Hoseok stares at him dumbfounded, “Min Yoongi is your best friend”

“Should I feel insulted or?”

“No, no” Jimin was about to apologize when Hoseok’s expression shifts and realizes that it was a joke again, “It’s just funny that my best friend and  _ your  _ best friend are hooking up”

“Oh” Hoseok’s brown almond eyes widen at the realization, “Well Yoongi doesn’t fuck on first dates, if this” Hoseok point at the wild crowd beneath them, “counts as a date, so they are probably making out on the attic, it’s his safe place” Jimin doesn’t know what to say, if there’s anything he can say at all, he feels relieved, like a weight lifted from his shoulders. Taehyung should be alright, there’s nothing to worry about. He repeats on his head. “You are doing that again” Hoseok spokes up, taking Jimin aback.

“Doing what?”

“Overthinking, I can see all your thoughts running in circles over your head, I don’t know how can you live like that.” Jimin knows he’s not trying to sound rude, but the words still hurt Jimin. He doesn’t say so, of course, but it hurts to know that he looks so vulnerable, as if anyone could see how fucked up his head is. But instead of answering, Jimin janks the bottle from Hoseok’s slender hands and takes a long gulp.

It burns, it tastes like fire with a faint sweetness to it, but the alcohol overpowers the subtle sugary flavour. Jimin regrets leaving the liquid on his tongue for so long, he should have swallowed it at the moment, now his tongue feels languid. It looks as if Hoseok is enjoying the sight of Jimin getting drunk. Jimin is not used to the strength of the alcohol. “I don’t know why people like this” Jimin grimaces and Hoseok chuckles making the younger mirror his expression.

Jimin doesn’t understand how or when, but soon he feels more relaxed. Hoseok was right, his problems feel trivial right now. His head is a little clouded, his body numb. Jimin is talking but he can’t quite process the words, he’s just talking, about everything and nothing. He sees Hoseok smile, it’s pretty, Jimin realizes, the smile, the little dimples that pop up on the edges of his lips. He isn’t sure that his words make any sense, but Hoseok looks as if he understands, maybe it’s because he’s drunk too. But Jimin feels like he doesn’t care, for once, he doesn’t care. The feeling is foreign, but Jimin wants to drawn in the sensation, the careless freedom.

At some point he finds himself dancing in the middle of the crowd, he doesn’t remember when they get there, but Hoseok takes the bottle from Jimin’s hand, telling him that’s enough alcohol for tonight. Jimin pouts but keeps dancing, hands thrown up in the air, eyes closed, he’s moving his body without any rhythm but he believes he’s doing his best. So this is how feels like to be drunk. Dizzy, lightheaded, relieved. He doesn’t want this feeling to be over, he doesn’t want this night to end. He doesn’t want to stop swaying around like spinning top. Hoseok holds his hands, guides him around while both laugh. Jimin had never been so cheerful. He doesn’t want the alcohol to leave his body, he doesn’t want the anxiety back, for once, he doesn’t want to run away.

“I think we should call it a night” Hoseok whispers to his ear, Jimin’s skin crawls at the proximity, and shakes his head, “C’mon you are too drunk already, I think we should go, I don’t feel good leaving you alone like this, let’s go” Hoseok takes his hand and guides him outside. Jimin didn’t realise how hot was inside until the chill air hit his face, making him shudder. “Where do you live? It’s safe if I walk you home”

“But you don’t know me” Jimin says, his tongue tripping on the words, “For what you know, I could be a serial killer”

“I’ll take the risk, will you?” Hoseok is so close, the smell of the alcohol so crashing, the warmness of Jimin’s body so overwhelming that he needs to step back. There’s a light clearness on his head, the realization of the events of the night making him doubt, should he really leave without Taehyung?

_ You are doing that again _

Hoseok’s words echo on his head and this time Jimin does listen to his previous advice. Jimin takes his phone out of his pocket and sends Taehyung a text where he explains he’s leaving with Hoseok, that he’s supposed to be Yoongi’s best friend. For once Jimin does want to take the risk, he doesn’t want to feel afraid, hesitant. He doesn’t want to think about what’s right or wrong. He puts his phone back on his pocket and smiles broadly at Hoseok. “Yeah, let’s go”

  
  
  


“I can’t believe you left like that” Taehyung says, munching his sandwich with his mouth open, Jimin throws his napkin at him without warning, making the younger protest.

“You left me alone! What was I supposed to do?” Jimin isn’t mad, he just doesn’t understand why Taehyung is lecturing him. “Besides, he was really nice and also Yoongi’s best friend”

Taehyung shakes his head, “But he could be lying”

“But he wasn’t” Jimin points one of his fries at him before biting it.

They are seating on one of the outside tables, having lunch before the afternoon classes start. It’s been three days since the party and Jimin had found himself so wasted the day afterwards that he completely ignored Taehyung’s texts. The younger was so worried that he ended up knocking on his door at ungodly hours in the morning so he could have an explanation, that being Jimin telling him to fuck off and that they could talk at lunch time, today.

“I just need you to understand why that was a stupid thing to do” Taehyung stops eating to stare severely at Jimin.

“I know I know” Jimin rolls his eyes.

“But?” Taehyung quirks his brow, knowing Jimin was thinking about something else.

“But he was really nice I tell you, I had so much fun? I don’t know why I drank that much though, I was lucky he stopped me but I don’t know” Jimin stops, thinking about how he ended up dancing like no one was watching, moving along the music with Hoseok laughing and dancing next to him. His cheeks blush slightly at the memory.

“Oh” Taehyung’s mouth falls open, “So that’s what all this is about” He smirks, while Jimin frowns, the younger leans on the table so his face is just a few inches away from Jimin’s. “You like him, don’t you?”

“What? No!” Jimin raises his hands as to make his point clear, “He’s handsome and all that but it’s not that I like him” The older could read the disbelief on Taehyung’s stare so he continues, “I don’t know how to explain it but there was something about him, about his whole aura that screamed freedom. He’s so cool, Tae. He seems so careless about what people think about him, so cheerful, I wish I was a little like him. So I think it’s something close to jealousy, admiration? I wish I could walk around college with that much confidence”

“Admiration” Taehyung says, but it sounds more like he’s talking to himself rather than with Jimin, “I see” He nods and Jimin was about to ask him what was thinking about when the younger started talking again, “Well then I’m happy for you, Jimin. I really am. Not gonna lie I feel a little sad that I wasn’t there to have fun with you and see you drunk and all, but at least you lose yourself a bit and I’m glad. You deserve it hyung” The tenderness on Taehyung’s eyes is enough to make Jimin’s heart ache, touched by the younger’s words. The tears gathering on the corners of his eyes never fell, Jimin forced them back because he once promised himself not to cry in public, it doesn’t matter how sad or happy was he, and he doesn’t intend to break that promise.

But Taehyung understand him, sees the raw emotion on his eyes and stretches his hand out for Jimin to hold. It doesn’t matter that there are plenty of students watching them with judging stares. Because Taehyung is there for him, and always be.

  
  


As for Hoseok. Jimin doesn’t know anything else more about him since the party. Doesn’t see him around or hanging out with Yoongi when the older comes to spend some time between classes with Taehyung. Jimin wants to ask Yoongi about him, but he bites his tongue, he doesn’t want him to misinterpret the willingness he has to meet Hoseok again.

Jimin considers texting him one night when he’s done with his homework, he writes a few texts but delete all of them the second after. He doesn’t want to be a creep, and after so many days, well, there’s nothing to text him about that could be natural. So Jimin spends the little time he’s awake looking at Hoseok’s number, at the display name, at the profile picture. But he doesn’t send any text. He doesn’t know why he’s so hesitant, if Hoseok gave him his number the night of the party was because he wanted him to text him, right?

But Jimin is too insecure, what if he’s busy and Jimin interrupts something? What if Jimin had taken too long in sending him the text? What if, what if, all his life revolves around what ifs and Jimin is tired but he can’t do anything about it. It sucks. Jimin clutches the phone with his hands and holds it over his chest, he doesn’t realise that he had unlocked it, that his fingers touch the screen where Hoseok number is and suddenly there’s a loud ring tone echoing on the silence of the room. Jimin panics, staring dumbfounded at the screen. “Fuck, fuck no” Jimin hungs up the phone before Hoseok could answer it. But it’s too late.

The black haired boy curses when there’s a light flickering on his phone. This is not happening. He unlocks the phone with trembling hands to find a few texts from Hoseok.

* Hey

* What happened?

* Missed me much?

  
  


Jimin feels like digging a hole with his bare hands and jump on the emptiness, letting the earth swallow him all.

\- Mmm no?

\- I called by mistake sorry

* Oh

* Where you stalking my pfp

\- No no no

* Issa joke chill

* Wanna meet?

\- What? Now?

* Yeah why not?

* I’m actually outside your dormitories

\- Give me 5

  
  


He doesn’t know why he does it, but soon Jimin is stepping out of his bed and putting on the first jacket he catches on his wardrobe. It’s cold outside, he should have brought another layer more than his pyjamas, but he didn’t want to make Hoseok wait. Jimin looks around but the place it’s empty, of course, that’s the regular view of the campus at 1 a.m on a week day, devoid of people. Jimin walks around confused, was Hoseok just playing him? No it can’t be. Jimin shakes his head, bad thoughts only calls bad omens.

There’s a whistle coming from his left, and when he turns around Hoseok is there, sitting on a bench, a cigarette on his fingers. “Looking for someone pretty boy?”

Jimin rolls his eyes and ignores the comment, but he can’t ignore the pounding sound of his heart racing. “Hi” Jimin sits beside the older but regrets it the second after when Hoseok blows out the smoke and the air hits directly on Jimin’s face. “Ugh, that’s disgusting”

“What?” Hoseok stares at his cigarette and offers it to Jimin, “Don’t you want?”

“I don’t smoke”

“I recall you saying the same thing about drinking, and we both know how you ended up” Hoseok chuckles but Jimin still declines the offer. Hoseok doesn’t insist anymore and takes a long drag. Jimin stares at his lips while he does so but turns his gaze away when Hoseok’s eyes land on him. 

“You are a bad influence”

“And yet you are here with me” Hoseok smirks, Jimin doesn’t know how to win an argument when it comes to Hoseok, it seems as if he had an answer to every single question on humanity.

“That only proves my point”

Hoseok just shrugs, taking the last drag and tossing the butt away with a flicker of fingers, “Those are the best”

Jimin chuckles, “Your lungs don’t think so”

“But they are! Nothing tastes better than a smoke after”

Jimin tilts his head a little confused, “After?”

“You know”

“I don’t?”

Hoseok stares at the darkness in front of them, not a single soul, not even the air moved the leafs, everything was calm and quiet, as if time stopped “C’mon after sex everything just tastes better”

“Oh” Jimin’s mouth is agape, “Well I don’t wanna know about that” And Hoseok laughs it off, but Jimin feels a little anxious, because he doesn’t want to know anything more not only because he’s not interested about Hoseok’s sex life, but because he doesn’t know how to follow a conversation about sex when he doesn’t even know how it feels like. So he just pretends everything is fine, that he isn’t uncomfortable at the thought of Hoseok meeting him after fucking with someone else. That Jimin doesn’t know how would it be to taste the pleasure on someone else’s skin.

If Hoseok notices the awkwardness on Jimin’s mood, he doesn’t comment on it. Instead he gets up and says, “Let’s take a walk”

The path is desolated, they walk around campus like damned souls, in silence. But Jimin likes it better that way, because when they are not talking, he doesn’t need to pretend. It’s easier, having the older so close as they walk when there’s no exchange of words and he doesn’t need to hold his intense gaze. But the silence seems to be excessive for someone as talkative and ongoing like Hoseok and soon he finds something to talk about, whether it is random facts like if you flip a shark upside down it renders unmobile for fifteen minutes or trivial questions like, how do you see yourself when college is over.

“I don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel” Jimin kicks a rock, “People say these are the best years of your life but I don’t see it, I don’t believe it”

“That’s cause you are staring from the wrong perspective” Jimin stops on his tracks, Hoseok comes to an halt a second later. “You want things to be different, exciting, but you are scared of trying new different things. And that’s okay, but I think you never tried to focus on the small things. The best years of your life could just be spending the night with your friends instead of studying, stay the weekend sleeping or walking around with a stranger in the middle of the night knowing you might get in trouble”

“You are not a stranger” Jimin says without thinking.

“See? You changed that thought after just one night with me, the world is full of possibilities for you to just follow whatever you try to believe is right” Hoseok resumes his walking and Jimin has to speed up his pace to catch him.

“So what else should I change?”

Hoseok shrugs, “It’s up to you”

Jimin stretches his arm out and grabs Hoseok’s hand, forcing him to stop once again, he succeeds. But at soon as Hoseok turns around, almond eyes digging into his soul, he regrets it and frees him from his grip. Hoseok doesn’t move back, instead, he raises his hand and touches Jimin’s hair. The black haired boy gulps down, he’s too close, but he doesn’t smell like alcohol tonight, more like a strong smoke mixed with a slight scent of lilacs. Hoseok runs his fingers over the strands of his black bangs and tilts his head, “Have you ever dyed your hair?”

“No?”

“Why?”

“I don’t know, I just never thought about it”

“You never thought about it or you are scared that a different colour doesn’t suit you”

“The latter” Jimin tries to look down embarrassed, but Hoseok puts his index under his chin, just like the first time they met, he stares deeply into his eyes and smiles, “I bet you look beautiful in any colour”

Jimin isn’t fast enough to find an answer and the moment is over, Hoseok’s hand moves away just as fast, leaving Jimin both relieved and yearning. They walk back to the dormitories as if nothing happened, Jimin’s heart pounding as loud as a drum, he’s afraid Hoseok could hear it. But the older remains with the same facial expression the whole time, it kinda disappoints Jimin, knowing that how a simple action that has him knees weak, doesn’t repercute on Hoseok’s mood.

He doesn’t want to go back, he doesn’t even know what time it is but doesn’t matter, for him the time passed like seconds when he was with Hoseok. Never before did he remember talking with someone without checking the clock, except from Taehyung of course. “I’ll text you” Hoseok announces before leaving, walking on the opposite direction towards the south dormitories, leaving Jimin staring for longer than he should, getting caught when in the middle of his walk Hoseok turned around and smiled, Jimin blushed but he was glad that it was still night time and so no one could see it.

  
  
  


Hoseok texts him, in fact, after that night, Hoseok texts him every day. Sometimes is just a simple good morning or how was your day? But more often than not, Jimin finds himself attached to his phone, waiting for Hoseok’s reply to his answer. But there’s more than texts. Now that Taehyung is dating Yoongi, Jimin has plenty of time to spend with the older boy. Walking around campus at night has become an habit, spending hours talking and laughing is now a tradition for them. Jimin likes the changes Hoseok brought to his life, he’s now more aware of how pessimistic, or even pointless, his life was before meeting him. It’s a good change, Jimin thinks, because even though Hoseok is the one who opened his mind, he doesn’t feel the need to be around him as if he was dependant. No. Hoseok just helped him to move on, he thinks, because he’s starting to feel more confident, less worried. The amount of nights where he cried himself to sleep seem distant now, as if they never existed before. Now, he also enjoys his loneliness, he doesn’t feel like a looser when he’s sitting on a bench alone with a book between his hands and the rest of students stare at him as if he was a weird creature.

Today is not one of those days though, Jimin woke up with the not so foreign feeling of not wanting to be alone. And surprisingly, Taehyung wasn’t the first person that came to his mind. And that’s how Jimin ended up sitting in front of a mirror with Hoseok playing with his hair from behind.

“Seok, I’m not that sure”

“Tell me just one time where I was wrong about anything” Jimin is silent, as much as he hates it, Hoseok never failed to make him feel better, no matter how stupid or ridiculous his ideas where. Jimin always ended up with a warming feeling blossoming in his chest that he may call happiness. “So,” Hoseok clasps his hands together and leans over Jimin, his eyes meet the younger’s through the mirror. “What’s your favourite colour?”

“Pink” Jimin says without hesitating, “But that’s so...unnatural? I don’t think pink is the best choice”

“I feel like even if you decided to dye your hair like a rainbow it would be a great choice”

Jimin ignores Hoseok’s answer and asks “ And yours?”

“My favourite colour? Hmm...maybe orange?” Hoseok taps his chin repeatedly as he thinks.

“Make it orange then”

“Oh are you trying to flirt with me, Jiminnie?” Hoseok winks and Jimin rolls his eyes in desperation. “Issa joke”

“Yeah I know” Jimin mutters, there’s a slight ache on the back of his throat, despite getting used to Hoseok’s playful personality, those jokes are starting to feel a little awkward for him, Jimin doesn’t comprehend why.

It took him an ungodly amount of hours to have his hair dyed in orange and a annoying hairdresser telling him that that was the fifth dying session of her day and she was tired of the smell of bleach. But the job was done. Jimin stares through squinted eyes at his new hair colour, he doesn’t think it looks good on him and Hoseok might read the uneasiness on his eyes for he hugged Jimin from behind and whispers, “You look beautiful, I love how it suits your face”

Jimin shivers and gets up in a rush, he’s not that sure that this new hairstyle would make a difference but now that it was already done, there is no turning back. It’s later, when both boys are sitting on a cafe when Jimin starts to feel a little self conscious, “What’s wrong?” Hoseok asks, playing with the straw of his drink.

“I don’t know” Jimin whispers, “That guy won’t stop staring” He discreetly points at a tall boy who is blatantly staring at him from the other side of the room.

Hoseok turns around just as boldly, and laughs when he turns his attention back to the orange haired boy. “That’s Joohyuk” Hoseok claims, “He’s in my literature class. He’s nice”

Jimin hums in affirmation, turning his attention back to his empty mug, he considers ordering another cup. “Guess he’s curious about you being around someone like me” He laughs awkwardly.

“More like the other way round” Hoseok bites the straw and smirks, “I mean look at you, all groomed and hot”

If Jimin had been drinking he would definitely spit his drink out, but that’s Hoseok’s jokes, he repeats to himself. He’s just trying to boost your confidence Jimin, he thinks.

“Ask him out”

“What?” Jimin’s eyes widened, he waits for Hoseok laughs but it never comes.

“I think it will do you well, you know, hanging out with cool people maybe get some action you know” He winks, but Jimin feels like throwing up. No he doesn’t know. All the worries that he believed to leave back are filling his head once again.

“Hoseok, I’m not so sure...”

Their conversation was interrupted by the Joohyuk guy who picked a chair and sat with them without caring to ask for permission, Jimin keeps his distance moving his own chair closer to the wall.

“Hoseok dude it’s been a long time, isn’t it?”

“Yesterday isn’t a long time Joohyuk” Hoseok answers cutly.

“Oh, am I interrupting something?”

“Ye-”

“No” Hoseok answers faster than Jimin, the younger frowns, what is he doing? “Oh how rude of me, this is my friend Jimin”

Jimin bows slightly at Joohyuk who mirrors the action. Jimin feels awkward, Johohyuk doesn’t stop talking for a second and if he hadn’t been Hoseok’s classmate he would believe they didn’t know each other. Because everything the tall boy says is directed to Jimin, Hoseok just stares at both of them. Jimin wants to go and when Hoseok suddenly gets up, he feels relieved, saved. But he isn’t.

“I remember I gotta do some stuff at home, sorry Jimin” He says, “But I leave you with good company” He winks, Jimin’s mouth falls open. This is not happening.

But there he is, with a complete stranger, trying to follow the conversation as good as he could, because he’s not paying attention to him. His mind is somewhere else, somewhere sitting on a bench with someone whose bright smile could light up even the darkest corner of the universe. His thoughts have a name, and right now, he’s sure that there’s also a feeling attached to it, to him.

“This place is cool right?” Joohyuk keeps on talking, as if he can’t read the uneasiness on Jimin’s posture. If Hoseok saw him, he would know, he would understand that he’s not paying attention, that he’s not having a good time and would try to make him laugh. But this boy is not Hoseok, and there are many things wrong about that. “It feels like a date” He laughs, Jimin grimaces, “He should make a real one don’t you think”

“No” Jimin can’t stop the words out.

“Excuse me?”

“This is not a date” Jimin claims, “And I don’t think we should have one either” Jimin stands up abruptly, he takes some bills and places them on top of the desk, “I’m sorry” Jimin apologizes before walking away.

When he’s outside the cafe, he starts running. He doesn’t know why but his feet are moving without his command. He’s running. But he doesn’t feel as if he’s running away, no, he’s not escaping. In fact, he recognizes the way, he recalls every tree, every corner, every step that leads him to this destination. He’s out of breath when he reaches the dorms, he stares at the closed door, he’s hesitant but shakes the worries away and knocks on the wooden surface.

“Jimin” Hoseok steps away, frowning at the younger, “What are you doing here? What about Joohyuk?”

“Shut up” Jimin barks, he’s surprised at his own voice, the tone so foreign to him. He hardly ever speaks like that, as if, as if he’s mad. He realizes then that he’s indeed upset. The feeling so strange on his own body, he can’t recall when was the last time he had feel like that, like he wanted to open the window and scream to the world how angry he is.

“Woah, someone’s moody” Hoseok closes the door and sits on the edge of the bed, Jimin sits next to him with grunt.

“Give me that” He says, Hoseok stares at his fingers and shakes his head, “Jimin this is not a cigarette”

“I don’t care” Jimin takes the blunt with an iron grip, he’s unsure of how to do it, but having it between his fingers makes him feel a little better, as if he had the control of something, whatever that is. “Why did you do that? “Why did you leave me alone with that guy?”

“Hey, I thought it would make you feel better somehow?”

“Having someone drooling over me? Do you really think that would make me feel better?”

“Perhaps? I don’t know Jimin I was just trying to help you”

“I don’t want it, I don’t want help to flirt. I don’t want dates. I don’t wanna be with, with that guy” Jimin places the blunt between his lips and inhales, then chokes the second after. “What the fuck is this? It’s disgusting” He says, still coughing the smoke.

Hoseok half laughs, but he stops himself because Jimin looks serious, “I’m sorry, that was stupid of me”

“It was” Jimin stares at the blunt, he wants to try again but doesn’t want to choke. “You are really stupid if you believed I wanted to date that guy. He’s so not my type”

“And what’s your type?” Hoseok asks.

“I wanna smoke, I don’t wanna talk”

Hoseok hums, he doesn’t think Hoseok would let the question go that easily but the older nods and picks the blunt. “Let’s try something okay? I think it would be easier if you don’t do it directly. Open your mouth”

Jimin doesn’t question him and follows his instructions, opening his mouth as he waits. Hoseok takes a long drag and places the blunt on the ashtray, scooting closer to Jimin. “Breathe” He says and Jimin does. Hoseok blows the smoke on Jimin’s mouth, their lips so close they are barely touching.

Jimin’s focus in on breathing, he feels his lungs filling with smoke, his throat burns but he doesn’t feel the need to cough. He breathes out the smoke a second later, Hoseok stares at him. “That was better” He mutters.

Those words pull a smile on Hoseok’s face, the older keeps smoking while Jimin fidgets his fingers. Hoseok hadn’t move away, their legs are touching, the younger feels a rush of adrenaline creeping up his spine. “Again” He whispers, “do it again”

This time Hoseok’s expression shifts into something different, his expression somehow darker. Jimin had never seen his eyes so blown. Despite his bodies touching, Hoseok moves even closer this time, his eyes don’t waver while he blows the smoke again into Jimin’s mouth. This time, the younger brings his hands up to grab at Hoseok’s collar. When Jimin exhales, he repeats, “A-again” But Hoseok shakes his head, and as soon as he puts the joint on the ashtray his hands find the way to Jimin’s cheeks. Jimin doesn’t have time to close his eyes before Hoseok is kissing him, he needs a second to process what was going on, and when he does, his heart skips a beat. Jimin closes his eyes as Hoseok deepens the kiss, the force of it pushing both on the bed, Hoseok on top.

  
  


Jimin suddenly is too aware of the implications of their position. But Hoseok doesn’t stop his ministrations, he doesn’t know if it’s because he’s high or too drunk in the feeling but Jimin lets Hoseok touch him. His hand sliding down his torso to rest on his waist, his lips peppering kisses on the line of his jaw, mapping the way to his neck where he’s sure he’s leaving a hickey.

He feels hot all over, he can’t recognize this feeling, he can’t tell why his hips bulk upwards looking for friction for it had been something he had never felt the urge to do. The simple action scares him to death and soon he’s pushing Hoseok away. “Too much?” Hoseok asks, not trying to stay on top of him but letting his body fall to side, back pressed to the mattress but his hand remains on Jimin’s waist. He doesn’t care, it feels warm, comforting. Jimin nods.

“Sorry I got carried away” He laughs.

“No it’s not your- you” Jimin urges, “I’m sorry I-”

“Hey hey it’s okay” Hoseok turns his body slightly to look at Jimin’s face, there are tears on his eyes, he hadn’t noticed, but Hoseok did. “Jimin” His voice is serious now, “Is there anything you wanna tell me?”

“N-no. Yes. I don’t know” Jimin is crying now, he doesn’t know why he says it, he doesn’t know why he feels like Hoseok needs to know. “I’m a virgin” Jimin feels embarrassed to admit it out loud.

“And?” Hoseok frowns, he doesn’t get why Jimin looks so anxious, so afraid to say it.

“And that’s why Minseok left- left me” The last words sound broken, Jimin feels broken.

“Asshole”

Jimin has to open his eyes to stare at Hoseok, “It’s my fault” Jimin cries.

“It’s not? That idiot doesn’t know what he missed. Jimin you are more than just a body to fuck okay? I don’t care about it, and I don’t think you should pressure yourself much about it either” Hoseok remains silent after that, realizing the many times he had talked about sex with him. How he had assumed Jimin wasn’t a virgin, how the younger never denied it but neither did he confirm it. It all makes sense to him now. But it didn’t change anything, “I don’t care and it’s not like I’m your boyfriend or anything to care, so just calm down okay?” Jimin doesn’t know if he’s comforted or disappointed but remains silent, letting Hoseok cuddle him, kissing him softer than no one ever did, holding him tight as if he was about to vanish.

Jimin doesn’t know what is supposed to change after that night. He woke up to an empty bed and a simple text on his phone that said “Gotta go to class”. Jimin is disappointed but not surprised, of course Hoseok wouldn’t change his habits just for making out with Jimin once. But a very small voice at the back of his head told him to be hopeful, now is even more furious to always listen to that voice. So things hadn’t change like at all. Hoseok still texts him every now and then and, more often than not, Jimin finds himself locking his phone without typing a reply.

He feels a little down and it shows. At least his best friend could see it, could read the lack of enthusiasm during their lunch routine. “Something’s bothering you” He claims, leaving the fork on the tray and giving Jimin a scanning look.

“It’s nothing” Jimin answers, munching at his food, it’s tasteless.

“Every time you say that, it’s anything but nothing” Taehyung’s tone is disbelieving.

But what is Jimin supposed to do? It’s not like he wants to tell Taehyung about what happened with Hoseok when his best friend, Yoongi, is sitting on the very same table. That’s not an option.

“Is it about Hobi?”

Jimin’s mouth falls open at Yoongi’s words.

“What about him?” Taehyung looks from Yoongi to Jimin, searching answers. “Jimin is there anything you wanna tell me about?” Taehyung is using that tone, the one that says ‘I’m mad you are lying to me but I won’t admit it because I want you to tell me’. That kind of tone he always uses when he wants to get Jimin to talk. It always works.

“I” Jimin sighs in defeat, what’s the point in hiding if it seems that Yoongi already knows? “Yeah it’s about him”

“What did he do?” This time Taehyung directs the question to his boyfriend.

“I only know they kissed” He shrugs, focusing back on the food.

“Wait what? You two? Oh my gosh Jimin I can’t believe I’m the last one to find out”

“That’s cause there’s nothing between us” Jimin didn’t know how much it hurt that statement until he said it out loud.

“How can you say that?” Taehyung says, fed up.

“‘Cause it’s true! He left me alone on his room and went to class as if nothing happened”

“Wait” Yoongi looks up suddenly, “Hoseok only told me about kissing you and nothing more”

“There’s nothing more”

“Oh?” Yoongi smiles playfully, “That’s very, interesting” Yoongi stops eating and looks at Jimin, amused, “See Hoseok is a one night stand kind of guy you know?”

“That much I’m aware thanks” Jimin rolls his eyes, he doesn’t want to hear anything else. He considers leaving the table, but he knows Taehyung wouldn’t let me.

“And still he let you stay the night even though you two only kissed” Yoongi raises his brow, as if his point was so obvious even a blind person could see it.

Jimin doesn’t get it, was he supposed to be thankful that Hoseok didn’t kick him out?

Yoongi sighs, “He could have asked you to leave when he went to class, but he didn’t. He let you sleep on his bed. That’s very unlikely of him. I don’t know how much but he definitely cares, if not, he would have kick you out first hour in the morning”

“Well If he cares about me, he has a weird way to show it” Jimin’s words sound like a whisper, he doesn’t have energy to discuss.

“Did he text you?” Yoongi asks.

“Hmm yeah, but I didn’t answer”

“Well if you like him, which I think you do, you also have a weird way to show it” He laughs, but Jimin doesn’t, he doesn’t have the strength to find the humor on this situation.

“Listen, Hoseok is a good guy. A stubborn asshole? Yes. But he’s not bad. I’ve known him for years and believe me when I tell you this is not something he usually does.”

“So what am I supposed to do?” Jimin asks, genuinely curious.

“I’m not a matchmaker, but answering his texts would be a nice start. Hoseok won’t take another step even though you are waiting for it. If you want him, you gotta reach to him”

Jimin tries to follow Yoongi’s advice. But he doesn’t see any improvement on the situation. Yes, they talk every day now. But it doesn’t feel enough, he needs more. He remembers how Yoongi insisted that he should do the first move for Hoseok to open up and so, after a few minutes of staring at his number, he presses the button ‘call’.

“Jimin?” Hoseok’s voice sounds muffled, “Stalking my picture again?” He hears the older laugh but it only made his stomach turn nervously.

“No”

Jimin takes a long breath, long enough for Hoseok to speak again, “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Can we talk?”

“Theoretically, we already are”

“In person” Jimin waits for an answer but there’s only Hoseok’s breathing on his speaker, and so he goes on, “I feel like having a walk”

“It’s one a.m”

“You didn’t care about the hour last time”

“Okay” Hoseok gives in, “Be there in twenty”

Jimin doesn’t answer and hangs up the phone. He has twenty minutes to get ready, mentally. He spends half of that time staring at his reflexion on the mirror, rehearsing the words he wants Hoseok to hear but finding himself stuttering every single time even though he’s only talking to himself. He sighs and stares at the clock, he better leave already.

Even though he arrived earlier than he should, Hoseok was already there, a cigarette between his lips. It’s a cold night but the older is only wearing a shirt and sweatpants, Jimin thinks he must have left his room without thinking of getting a proper jacket. Jimin stands before him, the familiar smell of smoke doesn’t feel as disgusting as it used to be.

“Let’s walk” Jimin claims, not waiting for a reply before he turns around and starts walking the very same path they walked the first night they met. Hoseok walks by his side, so close that his hands brush together a few times, Jimin aches to hold that hand but forces himself not to, clenching his fists.

“You know” Jimin starts talking, not facing the older, eyes locked on his feet as they move on every step he takes, “I’ve been practicing what I wanted to tell you when we met but now I’m out of words” He laughs, but there’s no humor on his voice, “It’s always like this”

“What do you mean?” Hoseok sounds worried, Jimin feels bad but he needs to stand up for what he believed and so he ignores the turmoil on his stomach at listening Hoseok sounding so concerned and keeps on talking.

“Every time I see you, I don’t know what to do. There are so many words that I want to say but one stare at you and my head is blank. It’s like this now too. Because I don’t understand what’s on your head but I do understand what’s in mine.” He sighs at the end.

Hoseok stops on his tracks and when he notices that Jimin doesn’t, he reaches his hand out and grabs him, “Are you mad at me?”

“A little” Jimin doesn’t know where he find the boldness to hold his gaze, he doesn’t stutter when he says, “I like you”

“You are mad at me because you like me?” Hoseok quirks his brow, confused and Jimin shakes his head.

“I’m mad at you because I like you and it’s obvious. But I can’t say the same of you. I don’t know what you feel but I don’t think we are on the same page, that’s why I’m mad”

Hoseok frees Jimin from his grip, hands hanging low, “You don’t think I like you” He whispers.

Jimin shakes his head once again, that action was never so painful, “No”

“Do, do I-” Hoseok takes a step forward, and when Jimin doesn’t move away, he takes as a hint to close the distance between them. He places one hand on Jimin’s cheek, the younger leaning on the warmness of his touch unconsciously, “Do I have a chance to prove you wrong or it’s too late already?”

“A kiss won’t change anything”

“I know but I missed the taste of those pretty lips of yours, blame me” Hoseok whispers, lips brushing at the end. The older swallows hard before pressing their lips together, Jimin gives in so easily that he feels stupid. But how can he resist him? How can he? When the older’s smell of smoke and lilacs is so overwhelming that his senses feel unrestrained. Jimin hums in the kiss, also missing Hoseok’s taste. The older circles his arms around Jimin’s waist and pushes him against his body, the night doesn’t feel cold anymore. “I’ll prove you wrong Jiminnie” Hoseok says between kisses, “I’ll show you” He breaks the kiss and despite Jimin being shorter, Hoseok, buries his face on the crook of his neck, taking in Jimin’s scent before nuzzling his nose against the fabric of his jacket, “Let me show you”

It’s not like they are dating, but they are. Jimin is much sure about it. Even though Hoseok never asked him properly to date him, they are. Jimin wants to believe it at least. Because Hoseok started showing up at his dorm every single night after their talk because “I felt lonely in my room and I need some high quality cuddles”. And during the day, Hoseok doesn’t stop texting him. Even when he’s in class, there’s always his phone buzzing, a cute heart emoji next to “Wanna eat together?” Because he’s spending all of his free time with him, even when Jimin is eating with Taehyung and Yoongi, Hoseok always finds the way to their table and sits next to him, not before planting a longs kiss to his wavering lips.

Jimin feels content, he doesn’t remember when was the last time his heart ached when he says a familiar heart shaped smile directed at him, or when his hands sweat after receiving a compliment about his outfit, it doesn’t matter if said outfit was his bear pyjamas.

But sometimes Jimin feels anxious too, in moments like this when Hoseok is kissing him numb, pressing his body against the mattress, his hands caressing the bare skin of his shoulder. Jimin feels anxious because he likes it, and for once he feels like touching Hoseok too. Hands coming to rest on the small of his back as they kiss, fingers sliding down his shirt and touching his bare back. “You don’t have to” Hoseok mutters between kisses, “Don’t feel forced to” Hoseok stops, pressing his forehead against Jimin’s.

“I like you” Jimin whispers, “I want you”

“Me too” Hoseok kisses his nose, making Jimin squeal in embarrassment. But they don’t bring things any further.

It’s been more than two months since they started whatever is what they have. And every single time Jimin feels bold enough to touch Hoseok in a sexual manner, the older stops him. He tells him, that there’s no need of him to prove anything. That Jimin doesn’t need to do anything sexual for Hoseok’s liking, but for his own. Hoseok doesn’t pressure him, and it’s all good, but sometimes Jimin feels discouraged, as if Hoseok maybe didn’t want to take his virginity, as if he doesn’t want to have sex with someone without experience, someone like him.

This night is one of those where Jimin feels courageous, he puts on an oversized shirt Hoseok had left on his room and nothing else. The shirt is long enough to cover his tights just under his briefs, he thinks he looks cute but with a slight seductive undertone. Today he wants to lose his virginity, he wants to have sex, with Hoseok. Because the older had been nothing but patient, and it only made Jimin even more eager, because for every time Hoseok asked him to think about it better, Jimin had only find himself looking forward to it even more curiously.

The orange haired boy is sitting on the edge of his bed when Hoseok walks in with some plastic bags of takeout. He stops on his tracks when he sees the younger, “Jimin?”

“Lock the door please” Jimin tries to sound sultry but it just made him cringe on his insides, he pats the spot next to him as a command. Hoseok nods and after locking the door comes to sit next to him.

As soon as Hoseok sits beside him, Jimin changes his position, straddling him. Hoseok looks bewildered, “Honey what are you doing?”

“I don’t know” Jimin whispers, “What do you think?” He whispers to Hoseok’s ear, licking his earlobe the second after. Hoseok lets out a shaky breath and puts his hands on Jimin’s shoulders.

“You don’t have to” But Jimin doesn’t want to listen to him, he doesn’t want to hear anymore reassuring words, he wants to hear Hoseok praises, telling him how good it feels to be touched finally. And so Jimin shuts him up with an open mouthed kiss, he licks the inside of Hoseok’s mouth and swirls his tongue around. It’s sloppy, but Jimin doesn’t care, it feels good, he feels hot. He never felt that way and it makes his skin crawl in anticipation.

“Jimin” Hoseok whispers when the younger moves away to focus on his neck, his collarbones, “there’s no need”

Jimin stops at that, pouting, “But I want to!”

“Are you sure?”

Jimin nods eagerly.

Hoseok looks at the food, “I don’t think this is the perfect place”

“Hoseok” Jimin sighs, he doesn’t want to sound defeated, but he does, Hoseok notices and stays silent to listen, “I don’t want perfection. I want you. I don’t care about the place, I’ve been waiting for this for longer than you think, I feel ready. I’m ready”

“But-”

“No buts” Jimin puts his index finger between Hoseok’s lips, “You have been nothing but accepting. All this time I was so afraid, waiting for the day I felt ready to bring things further. I was so focused about other people’s feelings that I neglected myself into thinking that I was like an object to use. I’m not that. I’m not doing this for you, I’m doing this for me. Because you taught me that’s how it works, you showed me that’s how I should feel. The need, the curiosity, the excitement of willing to take a step further”

“So we are doing it”

“Yes we are” That’s all it took for Hoseok to stop holding himself back. As soon as the words left Jimin’s mouth, there’s Hoseok’s lips taking the lead. The kiss felt incredible, Jimin thinks, gasping into Hoseok’s mouth when the older rolls them over the bed, caging him between his arms.

Jimin feels the blood going south on his body, realizes a little embarrassed that he’s hard already. Considering he’s only wearing his briefs, his tent didn’t come unnoticed by Hoseok. The older smirks proudly, “I’ve been told I’m a good kisser but this is new”

“S-sorry” Jimin says, self-conscious.

“Don’t say that” Hoseok kisses him temple, “It means you are liking it” He kisses his cheek, “I love making you feel good” He kisses his earlobe, “I love you” He kisses the sweet spot under Jimin’s ear and Jimin sees stars and constellation in front of his eyes, he feels his heart beating through his ribcage, he feels it breaking his skin and presenting itself to Hoseok in form of soft moans that escape his lips when the older bites his skin and starts sucking.

He closes his eyes when Hoseok starts to make his way down his body through soft pecks, it doesn’t matter that there’s a thin layer separating Hoseok’s lips from Jimin’s skin cause the younger feels it all. His mind is clouded with pleasure and he doesn’t regret opening his eyes for the sight in front of him can’t be described. Hoseok is playing with the hem of his briefs, a silent question for permission, Jimin nods and gasps when he pulls them down.

His cheeks burn with embarrassment and he tries to look away but Hoseok pleaded him not to do it, “Look at me”

Jimin does, and he doesn’t stop staring when the older takes his cock between his slender fingers and gives it a few tugs before taking it into his mouth. Jimin whimpers and clutches his fingers into the pillow, moaning, Hoseok’s name echoing in the room.

It doesn’t last long, Jimin is sure Hoseok is afraid the younger would come before the good part starts and so he gives his tip a small kiss that makes Jimin giggle. “T-there’s lube and condoms on my backpack” Hoseok follows Jimin’s gaze and nods.

“Did you ever ehm you know?”

“Yes”

“Okay then it shouldn’t hurt much” Hoseok says, but it seems that the words are more directed to himself, was he nervous? Jimin wondered, he is sure he himself is nervous. Of course it’s a normal feeling to be nervous the first time, but thought of Hoseok being nervous too never came across his mind. Jimin feels endeared.

It didn’t hurt. Opposite to what he believed his whole life it didn’t hurt. He doesn’t know if it was because of the excessive amount of lube that Hoseok poured around his rim, or because he’s relaxed when Hoseok touched him, but it didn’t hurt at all.

It burns. A little more than he’s used to, but it’s not painful, Jimin couldn’t explain it. But the scorching sensation only made him push his hips down looking for more friction, he needs Hoseok to move.

“Honey why so eager now?” Hoseok says teasingly, he’s half naked, just like Jimin. He’s half buried inside Jimin and tries to pull out after Jimin’s lack of response.

“Cause I want you hyung” Jimin whined, he can’t recognize his voice, he can’t process everything that’s happening on the dim room, but his body is burning and his lower stomach is aching, he needs more.

Hoseok leans over Jimin, they are breathing each other’s air when he starts pounding into Jimin.

“Say it, say it again” Hoseok growls, his tone dropping an octave while his hips come to meet Jimin’s, the wet sound of his pounds paring with the symphony of Jimin’s high pitched moans.

“Fu-fuck” Jimin curses, because he feels full, his walls stretched out by Hoseok’s cock. “I want you” His moans are becoming louder as Hoseok’s moves become erratic, without compass. “Hyung”

“Shit” Hoseok bulks his hips forward, the hand that was grabbing Jimin’s knee, spreading him open, moves up to cup his face, “You are fucking beautiful, so fucking precious to me honey”

Jimin whines at the names, at Hoseok’s words, at Hoseok’s ministrations. He’s in cloud nine, if he closed his eyes, he could feel it even more but it’s too much. The warmness of Hoseok’s touch, the gentleness in the way he caresses his face, the sweetness on the way he’s kissing him. Jimin is too far gone in those feelings, drunk in them, submerged in them.

He comes with his body trembling under Hoseok’s body. The look of bliss on Hoseok’s eyes is one he will capture and safeguard on the deepest corner of his heart, forever. It didn’t took a little longer than he expected for Hoseok to come, riding him into numbness, moaning Jimin’s name against his neck, the puffs of air making him shiver, the overstimulation making him wanna scream. But it’s all gone sooner than later. It’s all gone, the pleasure, the burning fire on his body, the eerie comfort he found on Hoseok’s existence just a few seconds ago. It’s all gone.

But there’s something left, something that he could see if he closes his eyes, because he could see himself in a place that resembles to a feeling, happiness. He’s genuinely happy. He realizes it now. Maybe the sex had something to do with it, the pleasure, the afterglow, but Jimin recognizes it. This is not the first time he had felt this kind of way, the feeling was there before he could even name it. It was there with the sound of Hoseok’s laugh, with his mere presence guiding him into a path around campus, with every joke, every look directed at him. But even before that, it was there. When he watched a film at six a.m with Taehyung or when he called his parents to tell them about his new life at campus. It had always been there, Jimin understands now. That he didn’t need anyone, not even Hoseok to feel this. But sure there’s something Hoseok did, and that was teaching him to find his own meaning to the word happiness, his own way to live happily. Hoseok is the means that prove him that he didn’t anyone but he himself to feel happy. And so when he kisses him after they eat the already cold dinner and they decide to lay on the bed and just cuddle, Jimin could only say, “Thank you”

“For what” Hoseok frowns, he doesn’t understand.

“For everything you taught me” Jimin nuzzles his nose against his nape and whispers a silent I love you, but Hoseok could hear it anyways. Because he turned around and captures Jimin’s lips with his own once again, oh yeah it’s there too. On the taste of Hoseok’s lips. Happiness.

**Author's Note:**

> If you are interested about comissions and pricing, dm me in @filtpjm


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